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Devon Dundee

Writing about things that matter (to me)

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All You Can Do

February 24, 2015 by Devon Dundee

I’m not a big fan of rap music, but I sometimes listen to a guy named George Watsky (pictured above). I like him more for his personality and his spoken word poetry than for his music, because even though his music’s got some pretty great things to say, it also often slips into needless vulgarity. Today I’m not going to talk so much about Watsky’s music as an experience that he had that impacted me. While on the Vans Warped Tour in 2013, Watsky decided to conquer his fear of heights by climbing progressively taller objects and jumping off of them into the crowd. But one night, he took it too far. He jumped off a 35-foot lighting fixture into the crowd below, landing himself and two of his fans in the hospital.

That was a pretty stupid thing to do. It was destructive not only for himself, but for the people around him. But I really respect the way Watsky handled the situation. He immediately acknowledged what happened and offered a sincere, public apology. He paid for his injured fans’ recoveries and was very humble about the whole ordeal, and I respect him for that. This experience had a really strong impact on Watsky, and it ultimately determined the name and direction of his next album.

In 2014, he released the album All You Can Do. In the title track, he tackles the subject head on. He acknowledges what happened, takes full responsibility for it, and concludes with the repetitive line, “All you can do is all you can do.” This isn’t a dismissive statement. He’s not saying that he didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not throwing his hands up in the air and saying, “Oh well.” He saying, “I did something wrong, I take responsibility for it, and I’m going to do everything I can to fix it. And ultimately, that’s all I can do.” While I don’t condone Watsky’s dangerous actions, I commend the way he handled it, and I think we can all see a little bit of ourselves in the statement, “All you can do is all you can do.”

The truth is that we all mess up. We try things, and we fail. I’ve never jumped off a lighting fixture into a crowd and injured people, but I can imagine what that would feel like, because I’ve screwed up plenty of times myself and hurt other people. But I haven’t always had the grace and guts to step out and claim it. And that’s when I truly fail. Screwing up is a part of life. There isn’t a single person alive who hasn’t messed up at some point, and we’ll each most likely mess up in some way in the future. We can’t avoid making mistakes. But there is something we can do when we mess up.

Usually, the mistakes we make are honest ones. We weren’t trying to hurt anyone; it just happened. In our attempt to get what we wanted, we stepped on someone’s toes. Or we were so focused on ourselves that we forgot to consider someone else’s feelings. And yes, they deserve to be upset. We did something wrong. But once we’ve gotten to that point, there’s still something that can be done. Because an honest mistake can be forgiven, whereas refusing to apologize and to make up for an honest mistake can ruin relationships.

Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: When I mess up, I’m going to own it. I’m not going to be proud of it, but I’m not going to deny it, either. I’m going to take responsibility for what I did, try to make up for it, and learn from it. Because that’s all I can do. And all I can do is all I can do. But here’s the beautiful thing: All I can do can often be enough. And for that, I am so very thankful.

February 24, 2015 /Devon Dundee
music
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Processing versus Over-Thinking

February 17, 2015 by Devon Dundee

I recently received some really good advice. As most of you probably know, I’m a thinker. My mind never, ever shuts up. I’m always trying to think through something that I’ve experienced, some issue that society is facing, or some topic that comes up in a class. I am always, always thinking about something. Last week, I was talking to a friend about something I was thinking through, and he said, “You need to take some time to process it, but don’t overthink it.”

Wow. I thought that was so profound. Processing instead of over-thinking. It sounds like an arbitrary distinction, but it actually makes a huge difference. And I’m really bad about crossing that line from processing to over-thinking. So I started to think about things I could do to prevent myself from falling into the trap of over-thinking, and then I realized it would make a great blog post! So here are my reflections on the distinction between processing and over-thinking as I’m trying to toe that line.

Over-thinking is constant. Processing isn’t.

I often find myself thinking about one thing all the time. To the point where I can’t truly focus on anything else because at least part of my attention is always dedicated to that one thing that’s on my mind. It’s there when I wake up, and I think about it until I fall asleep at night. In class, when I’m driving, even when I’m trying to watch something on TV. It seems like I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s obviously over-thinking.

Processing, on the other hand, is much less intrusive. It does take time, and it doesn’t happen all at once, but it also doesn’t keep you from living your life and focusing on the things around you. It’s something that comes into your head for a while until you’re ready to put it away, and then it fades into the background until it’s time to do some more processing.

So how do I keep something from taking up my attention all the time and pushing me into the realm of over-thinking? It may be hard, but I have to get myself to focus on something else from time to time. The best thing I’ve found to do is to be intentional about being present in the situation I’m in. If I’m having a conversation with a friend or listening to a lecture, I choose to devote my full attention to that and simply be present. Sure, other things may try to creep into my awareness, but if I’m being truly intentional about being truly present, I’m able to avoid over-thinking.

Over-thinking isolates. Processing is communal.

This is something I struggle with a lot. I cherish my solitude, and even more so when something’s on my mind. If I’m trying to work through something, I have a tendency to withdraw so that I can spend some time on it. I end up sitting alone for a long time trying to make some progress, but really what I end up doing is going in circles over and over, and I don’t get any closer to working through whatever it is I’m thinking about.

So I’ve learned to take a different approach. Instead of withdrawing and trying to work through whatever I’m thinking about on my own (which always leads to over-thinking), I choose to intentionally seek out people I can trust to talk to about it. Just the act of saying what’s inside my head often helps me make sense of it, and it leaves me feeling a lot better. And helpful input from a trusted outside source is always helpful when trying to process something.

I’m not saying that processing is completely communal or that you should become co-dependent on other people to help you think through things. There’s a balance between processing on your own and processing with others, and you don’t want to go too far one way or the other. But if you find yourself constnatly withdrawing to think things through like I do, you’re definitely over-thinking, and you need to open up to someone so that you can start processing.

Over-thinking is cyclical. Processing resolves.

I’ve touched on this already, but I think it’s important to note. When I’m over-thinking something, I always end up stuck in a cycle. I’ll start somewhere and think that I’m making progress, only to end up at the exact same point where I started. This leaves me feeling frustrated and no closer to actually thinking through the subject than before. This is an unhealthy by-product of overthinking.

Processing isn’t like that. Processing leaves you at least a little bit closer to a solution when you’re finished than when you started. Processing may be a winding road that takes you all over the place, but it never leaves you right where you started. If you find yourself going over the same things over and over in your head, you’re overthinking, and it may be good to just take a break. I’ve found that I can get out of the cycle of over-thinking only when I choose to focus on something else for a while and then revisit the topic later with fresh eyes. Then, I can truly process.

I’m trying really hard to process things rather than over-think them. I’m not saying that I’ve been completely successful in this endeavor. I often find myself slipping back into the trap of over-thinking. But when I remind myself of these three distinctions between processing and over-thinking, I find it easier to keep myself healthy and on track.

That’s all I’ve got to say this week. I hope this has been helpful to at least some of you reading this. I know it’s been extremely helpful for me, at least. Thank you for reading my post this week, and I hope to see you again next Tuesday. Have a great week, friends!

February 17, 2015 /Devon Dundee
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Feeling Self-Unaware

February 10, 2015 by Devon Dundee

When I start working on my weekly blog post, I take some time to just sit and think through where I’m at. What I’ve experienced recently that affected me. How I’ve been feeling lately. What’s been on my mind. But when I sat down to do that last week, I couldn’t come up with anything. I drew a blank. And it didn’t feel like writer’s block. It felt like something completely different.

I think of myself as a fairly self-aware person. I’m usually pretty in touch with my feelings and motivations. But recently, I’ve been feeling the opposite of that. I haven’t been sad or mopey. I haven’t been feeling bad at all. I just haven’t been feeling much of anything, or at least, I haven’t been aware of feeling much of anything. And that makes writing a blog post about my feelings and experiences pretty difficult. To be honest, lately I’ve been feeling pretty self-unaware.

I don’t think this experience is too uncommon. It’s so easy to go through the motions without ever truly, critically looking at our lives and our experiences. We often just don’t make the time to do that. And when we get stuck in this cycle of simply going through the motions over and over, we make it increasingly hard to get out and actually feel much of anything for a change.

And when we’re disconnected from ourselves and our emotions, we struggle to find meaning in the things that we do. We cannot see the big picture that our small actions and habits are contributing to. We may even start to feel like what we’re doing doesn’t matter because we’re not connected to it, and this is not a good place to be. Thankfully, I realized my disconnectedness before I got to that point.

There’s no one way to resolve this problem. Everybody’s different. But I have found a couple of different methods during the process of writing this blog post that I’ve found helpful, and I thought it would be nice to share them with you.

The first thing that has helped me start the process of getting back to self-awareness is journaling. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I cannot stress how important and helpful journaling has been for me. It helps me think through my experiences and emotions and actually make some sense of them. Even on days when I don’t feel like I have much to say, I am surprised by my ability to process things simply by writing them out. So I’m trying to be more intentional about my journaling and set aside a realistic—but significant—amount of time every night before bed to process things.

Another thing I’ve found really helpful isn’t something I’ve done but something someone did for me. I was in a meeting at work and my boss said something that really touched me, especially in light of the things I was thinking through for this post. He commented about one aspect of my work and how great it was that I was able to do it in the time that I do. For him, it was just a passing comment. But for me, it meant a lot. It reminded me that the things I do, even if they feel mundane, are actually meaningful to others. I find that surrounding myself with supportive, uplifting people like that who remind me of how much my actions do matter has been helpful in this process of reconnecting with myself.

And of course, writing this blog post has been great for me this week. It’s a lot like journaling, but with a much broader audience in mind. So thank you guys for giving me this space and this ability to share my life with you. If you’re feeling disconnected like I am, I hope this has been helpful for you. I know it’s been so good for me. Here’s to reconnecting and striving to become more self-aware! Have a great week, friends, and I’ll see you later.

February 10, 2015 /Devon Dundee
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Parenthood

February 03, 2015 by Devon Dundee

If you’re reading this blog post in hopes of getting parenting tips or my views on the experience of parenthood, I’m sorry, but you’ll be disappointed. Instead, I’m bringing back Stuff Devon Likes for a very special review of one of my favorite TV shows: Parenthood. So you won’t be getting any parenting tips from me, but who knows? Maybe you can get some from the show. You’ll have to watch it to find out.

Parenthood is an NBC drama about an extended family, the Bravermans. Zeek and Camille are a newly-elderly couple with four grown children. Adam, the oldest, and his wife Christina have two children, Haddie and Max. Sarah has two teenagers, Amber and Drew. Crosby is a bachelor. And Julia, the youngest, has a daughter named Sydney with her husband Joel. The show is based on an 80’s movie of the same name, but the plot differs greatly. The extended family dynamic of the show gives it a really cool vibe and connects all characters in neat ways.

Parenthood was created by Jason Katims, the same guy who created Friday Night Lights, and it has the same amount of heart as his previous show. I don’t know what it is about this guy, but he really knows how to make great TV. If you’ve seen Friday Night Lights, you’ll know what I’m talking about, and you’ll definitely want to give Parenthood a try. Not only does it do a great job of connecting you with the characters and pulling at your heartstrings, but it also features a ton of Friday Night Lights actors as well.

As the title suggests, the show is primarily about being a parent. It explores what that means for each of the different characters at different points in their lives. The show starts out with Sarah, a single mom, moving back into her parents’ house with her two teenagers. What does parenting look like for her? For her two elderly parents who are no long empty-nesters? What does parenting look like for Adam and Christina, who find out at the beginning of the show that their eight-year-old son has Asperger’s? Or for Julia, who’s trying to balance her hectic work life as a lawyer with her responsibilities as a parent and a wife? And it turns out that the one character to whom you think the title “Parenthood” doesn’t apply, Crosby, actually has a five-year-old that he’s just finding out about. What does parenthood look like for him? These are the questions set up in just the first episode of the show.

Throughout the series, we see the Braverman clan go through all sorts of things that families can relate to. Holiday gatherings, birthday parties, weddings, adoptions, career changes, marital conflicts, rebellious kids, and major health crises. They face all of these and more throughout the course of the show. But the cool thing is that it always feels organic and realistic, not forced or fake. And the Bravermans always face these things together, as a family.

The show features a lot of really cool relationships throughout the years. The four Braverman siblings spend plenty of time together, and we get to see what it’s like for their significant others to be a part of such a close-knit family. Many storylines are dedicated to how the kids in the family interact with their siblings and cousins. And since they’re all in one big family, there are plenty of opportunities for unique, cross-generational character pairings in storylines. One of my favorite things about the show is that since it’s about a family, almost every major cast member appears in every episode, even if they don’t play a major role in that episode’s story. The Bravermans are always getting together for some special family event, so you always get to see your favorite character or characters.

And unlike other shows on TV, the main characters generally are there to stay. Like all families do, they change and grow and even fight sometimes. But they always stick around. The main cast stayed the same throughout the series’ six seasons, with the exception of one major departure and one major addition in season four. But again, the change was organic. It felt like something a normal family would go through.

I could go on and on about how amazing the cast of the show is. But all I’ll say is that the actors capture their characters so well. Each character has so much depth, even from the very start, and as they grow and change, the actors do a great job of keeping up with them. The kids on the show are wonderful actors, and it’s really fun to see how much they change over the years. Plus the show has some amazing guest stars, some who stick around for major arcs and others who just show up for an episode or two, but who all leave the show better for having them.

Parenthood ended its six-season run last week with an amazing, heart-wrenching finale. I was sad to see it go, but I was so happy that it got the ending it deserved. And I’m so glad that I was able to enjoy such a wonderful show when it was on the air. The first five seasons of Parenthood are on Netflix, and I’m sure they’ll put the last season up around the same time they release it on DVD. Parenthood is definitely worth giving a shot. If you just want to see a wholesome show about a family you can root for, check out Parenthood, and let me know what you think of it. Thanks for reading, friends, and I’ll see you next week!

February 03, 2015 /Devon Dundee
TV
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