Self-Awareness

I once had to take the Meyers-Briggs personality test for a college assignment, and it told me that I am an INFJ: introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. When I was filling out the questionnaire, I couldn’t get over how ridiculous it all seemed. I thought, “There’s no way answering all of these stupid questions is going to tell me anything about myself that I don’t already know.” It was frustrating.

When I saw the results, I was unsurprised. We went over them as a class, and my professor explained what each of the letters mean. Had I known the options beforehand, I probably could have guessed what I would get. If you’re familiar with the test, you might have already deduced my type just from interacting with me.

Glancing over the initial results didn’t change my conclusion that taking the test had been pointless, but then I started to read some of the analysis. Each result comes with a packet of further information about one’s type, and the more I read, the more convinced I became that Meyers and Briggs were onto something.

In section after section, I saw myself reflected in what I read. The analysis covered topics like how INFJs act in relationships and which careers worked well with my personality. As I read, I felt like I was finally putting words to things I’d experienced all my life but never been able to articulate to anyone. Ever. It was a catharsis.

The part that spoke to me most deeply was about weaknesses. Every personality type is prone to its own set of shortcomings, and reading that section felt like a checklist of every single thing I struggled with or didn’t like about myself.

It was hard to read. It made me feel exposed and uncomfortable, maybe even a little bit guilty. But it also helped me confront some things about myself that I needed to deal with in order to grow, and I think I’m better for it.

I wish I still had that whole packet to flip through now. It’s probably in my attic somewhere. But one statement felt so particular to me—and so tragically comical—that I’ve never forgotten it. I actually posted a picture of it on my Facebook for all to see. Here’s what the sentence said:

Under great stress, INFJs may become obsessed with data they normally would consider irrelevant or overindulge in Sensing activities such as watching TV reruns, overeating, or buying things that have little meaning for them.

If that’s not me, I don’t know what is.

When I’m trying to avoid dealing with something, I can nerd out about basically anything and go down a rabbit hole that lasts for weeks. TV is always a part of my life, but if I’m feeling anxious or down, it can quickly become a means of escape. And back when I had Amazon Prime and disposable income, you better believe I engaged in some serious retail therapy.

You can ask my wife, my parents, my siblings, my best friends, or anyone else who knows me well, and all of them will tell you that this is how I react to stress. It’s honestly a little scary just how accurate that sentence is. Were the people who wrote this spying on me? Or am I just a textbook INFJ?

Regardless, I used this statement as a tool over the years to help me monitor my stress level. When I found myself veering off into one of these stress-induced patterns, I knew that it was time to hit pause and figure out what I was trying to distract myself from. At times, I didn’t even know I was feeling anxious until one of these behaviors resurfaced. But once they did, I knew I was in need of some self-reflection.

I haven’t thought about that test in a long time. Thankfully, I haven’t had to rely on it as much over the past several years. Part of growing up is learning healthy ways of managing one’s mental state, and I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress on that front.

But not long ago, I suddenly realized that one of these old habits had snuck back up on me. I had been watching a lot of TV. And when I say a lot, I mean too much TV. An unhealthy amount of it. Reflecting on that realization, I remembered my Meyers-Briggs test for the first time in years, and I thought to myself, “Wow. Something must be wrong.”

I knew that I was under a good deal of stress, but I didn’t realize the extent to which it was affecting me until I saw the symptom. Only then was I able to fully recognize the emotional turmoil below the surface. And only then was I able to start to actually deal with it.

Thankfully, I’m in a good place now. But I couldn’t have gotten from where I was to where I am if I hadn’t had the self-awareness needed to recognize the problem. In another person, watching that much TV might be perfectly normal. It’s not a sign of distress at all. But for me, it was an unhealthy coping mechanism that I needed to get past. It was a sign pointing to a deeper issue.

The truth is that we’re not always the best at knowing ourselves. Human beings are complicated and mysterious, and sometimes it’s difficult for us to sort out what’s going on even in our own heads. But if we‘re going to be healthy and grow into all that we can be, we’re going to have to learn how to read ourselves well.

This isn’t an advertisement for Meyers-Briggs, by the way. I found it to be an extremely helpful tool, but there are many ways to develop our self-awareness outside of personality tests. Journaling is another amazing aide that I’ve adopted. Plus I’ve found this process much easier when I open up to others as well. Maybe for you it’s therapy or long drives or solo hikes through the woods. Whatever it is, we each need to find ways to be honest with ourselves about what we’re feeling and monitor those emotions as we go.

If you find yourself struggling with self-awareness, I’d encourage you to explore some tools that might help you get started. It’s not easy for any of us, but it is certainly worthwhile. And if there’s any way I can help you along the way, I would be more than happy to. I’m so thankful for the help I’ve received in this area along the way, and I’d love to extend that same help to others.

That’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you liked and maybe even found it helpful. Thank you as always for reading, and I’ll see you back here very soon! 

Just Mercy

This weekend, my wife and I went to see the new film Just Mercy, and I knew even before the movie was over that I had to write about it. If you take nothing else away from this blog post, please understand this: You need to see this movie. In fact, if you want to just stop reading and go see the film right now, I’m alright with that. That’s how important I think it is.

But in case you need a little more convincing, here’s my review of the movie and why I think it’s a must-see for everyone concerned about faith and justice.

Just Mercy tells the story of Bryan Stevenson (played by Michael B. Jordan) and his work with death row inmates in Alabama. Bryan is a Harvard law graduate who has dedicated his career to defending the defenseless and fighting to achieve justice for those our system has wronged and cast aside. He’s the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative and a superstar in the world of criminal justice reform.

He’s also a professor and an author. In fact, this movie is based on Bryan’s book of the same name. The book is half memoir about his early days at the Equal Justice Initiative, half reflections on social justice issues in our country today. I’ve been reading it in preparation to see the film, and it is incredible. Of course, no movie adaptation can perfectly live up to the book it’s based on, but Just Mercy does an excellent job of portraying the book’s central narrative in a powerful, compelling way.

Both the book and the film center on one particular true story: the case of Walter McMillian (played by Jamie Foxx). While condemned on death row for a murder he did not commit, Walter meets Bryan, who offers to take on his case for free. Over the course of the film, the two unveil the many ways the system has failed Walter and fight to prove his innocence, an upward battle that will pit them against an indignant prosecutor, corrupt law officers, and a biased public more interested in their own peace than in the truth or justice for Walter.

The premise is interesting enough on its own, and it’s made even more so by the fact that this story really happened. But that’s not all Just Mercy has going for it. It’s also been created by some incredible people. In addition to Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx, the movie also stars Rob Morgan, Tim Blake Nelson, and Brie Larson, who each give beautiful, powerful performances that capture the passion and struggle of the real-world people they’re portraying.

The director, Destin Daniel Cretton, also co-wrote the screenplay with Andrew Lanham. Though they may not be household names like the stars of Just Mercy, you could be hearing about them again very soon. The two just received an Oscar nomination for best adapted screenplay for their work on this film. The possibility that a movie about criminal justice reform could win an Oscar this year is just amazing.

Star power and Oscar buzz aside, my favorite thing about this movie is the way that it invites viewers to empathize with a group of people they probably have no experience with: death row inmates. While it’s common to dismiss these individuals as good-for-nothing criminals, it’s important to remember that they are people. They have families, communities, feelings, and dreams, and this movie does a good job reminding us of that.

It also highlights the problems with capital punishment in the United States. While the main story is about an innocent man at risk of losing his life for no reason, the film also features the stories of other inmates, including one who admits to the crime that he’s accused of. But even his case is more complex than death row inmates are generally portrayed to be, and the film invites us to recognize the humanity even of those we may not want to.

Even though the story depicted in the film took place nearly 20 years ago, it’s still timely as ever. Debates over the issues in our legal system, especially when it comes to racial bias and capital punishment, are extremely relevant today. Regardless of where you stand on the death penalty—and I’m not shy to say that I’m opposed to the entire practice—this film is beneficial because it shares the experiences of people who’ve largely been shut out and ignored by society. It’s important that we recognize and value the humanity of every person, even those on death row.

And as Just Mercy points out, we’ve got some serious work to do if we ever wish to call our society just. I don’t think anyone wants to live in a country where an innocent man is condemned to death without recourse. If we want to avoid harming innocent people like Walter McMillian in the future, we need to face the mistakes of our past and learn from them so that we can do better going forward.

Just Mercy is a beautiful portrayal of two men working together towards justice. And it’s emblematic of a larger movement within our nation to create a more just and merciful future for everyone. I consider it a privilege to be a part of that movement, and the film invites everyone watching to join in, too.

I think that invitation is worth considering, and so I hope you’ll give this movie a watch.

Just Mercy is in theaters nationwide now. Please go see it and let me know what you think. I’m already planning to watch it again soon, and I’ll definitely be rooting for the filmmakers at the Oscars this year. We need to be support movies like this, because they do good for the world. I’d like to see more of them, and less of the incidents that inspire them. We can make that happen together.

Thanks for reading, friends! I hope you enjoyed this review, and I’ll see you next week.

Hope for the New Year

A few weeks ago, we talked about making space for pain during the holidays, and that’s really important. I tried to do a good job of that this year, and I hope you did, too. Now that the holiday season is over, though, the struggle for many does not stop. It might be different: less sharp and immediate, more throbbing and below the surface. But it’s still there.

Maybe you feel the weight of the world’s problems on your shoulders. Maybe it’s discontentment with where you are or the fact that your circumstances haven’t changed much since this time last year. Or concern about whether you’re where you’re supposed to be. Maybe it’s confusion about what you want this year to look like. Or maybe it’s a pain that you feel deep down in your soul, though you can’t quite put it into words yet.

Whatever the situation looks like right now, I want you to know that if you’re struggling in this new year, there is still space for you.

The new year is meant to be a time of hope. A time to look forward to exciting things ahead. A time to get motivated and make that change you’ve always wanted to make. And for some, it is.

But if that’s not where you are this new year, that’s okay. This time is for you, too.

Aside from simple recognition, I’d also like to offer you one other thing in this post: an opportunity to find hope in the small things. Because even though our circumstances sometimes seem bleak, and even though it isn’t always easy to see it, there is always a reason to hope.

It might seem like a small thing, but hope can often mean the difference between wallowing in despair and finding a way through the darkness. Even the smallest bit can remind us that things won’t always be this way. That they can be better. That they will be better in time, if we’ll only hold on to hope.

So this new year, here are a few things that I find hope in. I believe that you can, too.

• I find hope in knowing that I’m not alone. There are people in this world who love me, who support me, and who want nothing but the best for me. And you’ve got people like that, too.

• I find hope in believing in something bigger than myself. For me, that’s my faith and my dedication to making the world a better place for others. For you, it might be family, your pets, a cause you’re passionate about, or any number of other things. Regardless, we are all apart of something bigger than ourselves, and knowing that can give us hope.

• I find hope in taking steps towards where I want to be. It might be something tiny like reading an article on a goal I want to accomplish, but at least it’s something. We each have a certain amount of agency to change our circumstances. It might take all you have just to take a tiny step, but even the smallest move in the right direction can be a source of hope.

• I find hope in remembering the passion I’ve had for things I love in the past. If I felt that way before, I know I can again. So I look back on those days and look forward to the days when that fire comes back. We all know what it’s like to be passionate about something, and even just the promise of having that feeling return can be enough to get us started.

• I find hope in investing in others. Even when I feel like I can’t help myself, I love being there for other people. Having a positive impact on the world gives me purpose. I don’t do it for me; I do it for them. But I usually find that I get more out of it than I could possibly have given.

Those are some the things that give me hope when I’m struggling, and I go to these sources often. Without them, I’m not sure where I’d be. If you need a little bit of hope in this new year, maybe you can find it in one of these places, too. I’d encourage you to try, because a little hope can go a long way.

That’s all for this blog post. Thank you for reading, and here’s to you having a new year full of hope, healing, and progress. I’ll see you next week.